Sunday Stories - Kay's Story - the End & the Beginning!

Kay's story - the end and the beginning!

I also was prescribed a different anti-anxiety med and it started to dim the fear just a bit. I started to think it might actually work!

In December, my small group had a Christmas get together. I dreaded it. How can it be fun without drinking? I didn’t want to go, but did anyway and had a great time!  I also managed to help a friend have a game night at her house. I was nervous but it was fun. Christmas came and went and I made it through. I had managed to work all the steps with the help of my sponsor!  

The end of 2013 also meant the end of my step study. Now what was I going to do on Tuesday evenings?  I knew as soon as another step study started, I was going to do it again to work on all the other issues I had uncovered besides alcohol. Greg (the Director) called me couple of weeks before it was to start to let me know that one of the facilitators had to step down and he thought of me to fill the spot. WHAT??? I’m still messed up, I’m going to be IN the class. Pray about it he told me. So, I took the next couple of days to try and talk to my sponsor and a couple of other friends so that they would agree with me that it was too soon, no way could I do that just yet. I never managed to actually talk with anyone ‘live’. So, I said OK to Greg, the whole time inside thinking I was crazy!!!

I was scared to death before the first step study meeting and for the next couple. But, they actually went OK!  It got easier each week and I found myself actually looking forward to going!  The dimmer switched really moved up a notch.

I NOW look back on the year 2013 not as the year I merely existed, but as the year Jesus carried me just like the poem Footprints in the sand. I crawled into his arms like the statue, and he walked me through the year. 

2014 just melted in like 2013, but things started to happen.  I was actually enjoying things! I called people.I didn’t mind going to the grocery. I attend CR on Monday night now as well. I really enjoy my step study group and have made a whole bunch of new friends!  Against my internal voice telling me not to, I became a sponsor. I now notice and appreciate the little things in life, like a small child dancing in church on Sunday, and not be depressed thinking ‘my girls used to do that, and now they’re not with me’. I looked at a lot of things with a smile instead of regret. One Thursday night at Rated R for Recovery I a HUGE step. I didn’t just have John introduce me to Leslie from Street Chicks in Recovery, but I asked for a job! I found something to be passionate about. The dimmer is hitting high gear!!

To this day, I still wake up anxious about the day. The difference is, I read my devotionals (at least 2 if not 4 of them) as soon as I’m up and give my day to God. I also look up Bible verses that go with the devotionals and with the step we are on in group..  I don’t cry during the praise and worship songs any more, I sing them at the top of my lungs. Just ask anyone who sits in front of me!  Like the song goes, ‘I went to the enemy's camp and I took back what he stole from me’! The giant hole in my soul that I tried to fill all kinds of ways is filling in with the Holy Spirit!

BONUS - here is the video of the song Enemy's Camp - (ya gotta love a revival!)

I’m still scared that I’m going to fail or not be good enough for a lot of things, but try my best to Let go and Let God handle it. With his help, I’m getting stronger every day! I take my own inventory all the time and try to make amends immediately. I am also going to start going to yet another small group - the one for FOOD!  After that, I’ll consider stop smoking, but 1 habit at  time!! I am starting to feel like my old self, but better. I could not have done it without the fellowship of others and the holy spirit. 

While writing this last Saturday, I read one of my devotionals, The Daily Bread. The last paragraph said this ‘So, if you really want something to boast about, boast about Jesus and what He’s done for you. Look for opportunities to turn the spotlight on Him.’ and that’s what I hope I am now doing.

So, my 1 piece of advice to not only the newcomer, but to those of you who have been around and perhaps relapsed, or are just feeling overwhelmed is to keep coming back. If you do nothing else, keep coming back!  It may take a while, hopefully for you not an entire year like it took me, but it will eventually wear off on you! Don’t give up before the miracle happens!

Thank you, God Bless and GO GOD!!

Feed Me Friday - Food for the Body & Soul - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and Kale - WHAT???

Social chick just moved to a place with a pool right outside her bedroom doors (french doors that is!) and she is just SOOOOOOO EXCITED about it! Can't wait to have some of the girls over and just have some fun - just like Cyndi Lauper sings about in this video. Enjoy the Friday Flashback! And who doesn't love the funkiness of Cyndi Lauper - she is one imaginative chick!

Social chick is also experiencing technical difficulties with her Google drive, so I apologize for no photo on this one - you will just have to trust me that is was DELICIOUS!

I have been trying to eat more kale - it's good for you and tastes better than it looks! I have done it 2 ways recently.

First, Kale Chips (photo from the Internet, but this is what mine looked like!)

Preheat oven to 275

If you buy the whole head of kale, rinse well, dry, remove the ribs and chop into about 3" pieces. Or just buy the pre-rinsed, chopped pieces.

Place on a baking sheet, toss with olive oil and a bit of salt and bake for 20 minutes or so, turning half way through.

They get crispy like a chip! Do NOT put in a container until completely cooled - I did and the condensation made them soggy. Then I just put them on sandwiches - I waste nothing!

Second, Wilted Kale (sauteed, cooked, steamed, whatever you want to call it) NO photo on the Internet available, because I made this up on the fly!

Put some olive oil in LARGE skillet over medium heat.

Add some thinly sliced onion and saute until they are to your liking

Add some chopped garlic, a bit (1/2 cup or so) of broth (chicken, beef, vegy - whatever you have on hand). I also added some diced tomatoes at this point.

Pile on the kale! It wilts down to nothing! Cover and let the kale wilt. I did not time this part, so just stir every few minutes then put the lid back on.

After it has wilted to where you want it, add a can of rinsed Navy beans (the white ones) and heat them through. It should only take a couple of minutes or two.

I ate this plain and with grilled chicken - both were YUMMY!! I tend to eat stuff before photographing, sorry!! I keep trying to remember to takes pics of food I am cooking.

PS - extra tip for the day concerning kale. I cook my dog's food as well and didn't have the usual chopped spinach to put in it, so I substituted kale. It did not go over well - my dog left the kale in the bowl (how did she eat the rice around it?) and her new friend (the other dog that we moved in with, who is a boy AND 10 years her junior, so she is now officially a cougar, not a dog, but I digress......) Raider, tries to eat the kale, then spits it out all over the floor! I'm not doing that again, I'm eating it myself!

Work it Wednesday - Step 6, Part 4

First a quick review:

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable. 

Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 4 - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 Step 5 - Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Which brings us to Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

This step is all about the WILLINGNESS to have God remove these defects. All you need to do is admit that you have defects of character and be willing to give them up. Start to imagine what you will replace those 'bad' traits with. What will be your new coping mechanism? If you are not drinking or drugging, what will you do with all the time on your hands? Besides going to meetings, make a list of other activities to choose instead of your 'usually'. Put the list somewhere that you can refer to it. Just some examples: take a walk, meditate, swim, yoga, work out, take a shower, call a friend or sponsor, watch a movie, the list can go on and on. 

This does not mean that all of our defects will simply vanish at once! You just need to be willing to aim for the best of your ability for where you are at TODAY! Some defects will be difficult to give up. For me it is smoking - it is the last addiction (for now) that I am hanging on to - some days - for dear life. But, it beats the alternative of drinking! Same with eating. I know that eating healthy is good for me, and I feel better when I do. But there still comes a time when a candy bar gets in the way of my better judgement. I don't beat myself up over it, I just ask God for more will power the next time one is presented to me and move on. In fact, last night I ate a mini candy bar (OK two of them) but this morning I walked right past the donuts and cookies that awaited me at the office!


Keep on keeping on!

From the booklet, Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website - link to the right  

 

From the booklet, Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6

Available through our website - link to the right  

Once you have stopped worrying and started walking with God, you need to keep at it. It is easy to get busy in this world and forget to let God handle things, like your life. Keep turning it over to Him and see where He leads you.

From the booklet, Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website - link to the right  

From the booklet, Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website - link to the right  

 Next week we are sailing on to Step 7 - y'all come back now, ya hear!

Sunday Stories - Kay's Story Part 4

I was anxious, depressed and isolating. I had no idea who I was. I merely existed. I totally related to Psalm 6:2-3 ‘Pity me, O Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, for my body is sick and I am upset and disturbed. My mind is filled with apprehension and with gloom’. And with Job 30:27 ‘My heart is troubled and restless. Waves of affliction have come upon me’. I was a dead person walking. I would wake up each morning with a tight chest, and panicked about what I had to face that day, which was not usually much more than going to a meeting or blocking everything out by playing games on the computer or watching movies and things on TV I wouldn’t normally watch because everything reminded me of what I had lost.  EVERYTHING made me nervous!!! It was especially bad when I had to go out into the world and interact with others.  The WORST was when I was going to see my girls.  I was ashamed, embarrassed, a failure, bad mother, loser, etc. 

My Swiss cheese looking brain had trouble focusing on anything. My mantra became ‘I DON’T CARE’  That was the only way I could deal with what was happening - to pretend I didn’t care. I avoided everything I could! I shoved all feelings deep down and buried them with FOOD!  I used to imagine a statue of Jesus that I saw of him sitting cross legged and would picture myself crawling in his arms so he would hold me like a baby. The one thing I wasn’t, was drunk!  I used to drown my feelings in alcohol and now I was actually FEELING them. But I had a little faith - about the size of a mustard seed. Mark 9: 24  ‘I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief’! 
 
I worked the steps not only with my step study group, but with my sponsor. I was REALLY uptight about the 4th and 5th step!!! I managed to write the 4th step and then tell her everything!  A lot of what I had done she could relate to because she had been through the same thing, or something similar. If she hadn’t done it herself, she knew someone who had, or at least was very understanding!!!  Although it was a HUGE relief to get that over with, I did not have the instant ah-ha moment others had talked about. Remember, I’m a dimmer switch. But I kept at it. I realized that God had forgiven me, but how could I possibly forgive myself?

At some point I mentioned in my Friday small group that I wanted to volunteer and next thing I knew I was working the literature table. About the same time, I drove a friend from my step study to her eye surgery. I not only had to drive, but I had to drive with another person in the car, then wait while she had her surgery - what was I going to do for an hour? - and drive her home. YIKES!!  I even realized after dropping her off that I didn't even know her last name - how was I going to go back in to ask if she was done without knowing her last name?  I not only survived, but have become close friends.
I even managed to send out a couple of resumes for jobs I thought I could tolerate. But instead of hoping they would call for an interview, I was terrified that they would!  What would I say, what would I wear how would I do my hair?  In reality, I didn’t want them to call, and they didn’t. I didn’t care!

When my mom said she was coming to visit in early December, I rolled my eyes and inwardly freaked out!!  She had to stay at a hotel since I did not have a place of my own anymore, and she invited me and the girls to stay the weekend as well.  I was NOT looking forward to this! I kept hoping something would come up in her life so that she couldn’t come. But she did. We have a tradition of baking a TON of Christmas cookies and that’s what she wanted to do. I just wanted to pretend Christmas didn’t matter and get it over with. But the girls came to the hotel and we baked. And we baked and baked. I remember at one point the tension easing up a bit. This was actually going OK!  We even went out to dinner and I was OK with others in the restaurant having margaritas and beer with their Mexican food and me drinking water.  All in all, I survived the weekend!  And the dimmer switch turned up a bit more.

Feed Me Friday - Food for the Body and Soul - Hey Brother I Got Eggplant!

For our inspirational portion of today's blog, the song, Hey Brother, by Avicci. 'If the sky comes falling down for you, there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do'.  Thanks to my slightly younger friend Rachel for the suggestion - love it!

The BEST Eggplant Parmesan I have EVER had!!

This is my adaptation of a recipe I saw on the Internet by Mario Batali!

1 large eggplant
1 large onion
Tomato sauce - 15 oz can
chopped garlic (I use the already chopped in a jar)
2-4 tomatoes

Carrots (I had roasted baby carrots in the fridge, so that's what I used, but you can use 1 whole regular carrot if you want) either finely chopped or grated. (NOT even necessary, but a great way to add more veggies and flavor)

Mozzarella cheese, grated (about a cup)
grated Parmesan (I use the parm/reggiano in a shaker from the grocery but fresh from the deli would be even better!)

1/3 cup breadcrumbs (I happen to have the kind with Italian spices)
 
Preheat oven to 425


Oil baking sheet with EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)
Slice 1 large eggplant into 1/2 inch slices
Slice 1 onion (I always use Vidalia, but any will work!) into 1/2 inch slices
Place eggplant and onion on greased baking sheet and sprinkle with salt & pepper.

Bake about 20 minutes or until they are golden brown like this (OK, I forgot to take the picture until part of them had been removed, but you get the idea) 
 

 

While those are roasting, put the tomato sauce, chopped tomatoes, garlic and grated/chopped carrots in a sauce pan to warm up. Medium heat or so. You can season with Italian seasoning, or buy the sauce with it already in it. You can also just buy diced tomatoes in a can, but I used what I had on hand!

Lower oven temp to 350

Place 4 or 5 of the largest eggplant slices into a casserole type, oven safe dish, with some EVOO on the bottom

Place some of the onion on top

Place a spoonful or so of sauce on each one

Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese, then the parmasan cheese

Repeat

Once your stacks are complete, sprinkle with breadcrumbs. My breadcrumbs are very dark in the photo because the recipe I used called for toasted breadcrumbs, which I think is unnecessary. I won't do it the next time.

Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes or until the cheese is melty.

By now, your house will smell AMAZING, so eat one as soon as it cools enough so that you don't burn your mouth! 

You should probably just double the recipe to begin with because these will go FAST!!! I ate just one - at a time!!

ENJOY!!! I am always on the look out for new recipes, so if you have one that you would like to share, please leave it in a comment below, or use the Contact Street Chicks box to the right.

Work it Wednesday - Step 6, Part 3 - Ready, Set, Go!

First a quick review:

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable. 

Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 4 - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 Step 5 - Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Which brings us to Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Do I have to have all my ducks in a row, or all my defects in laid out for God to remove? Not at all! God already knows them anyway. He just wants you to be willing and honest enough to give them all over to him!  Let go and let God!

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website, just click the link to the right!

Once you allow room for God, you will get results. There are those in recovery that have stopped drinking/using by way of steps 1, 2 and 3, but spend the rest of their lives pointing their misery at other people because they won't continue with the steps. In step 6, your willingness to change comes from seeing how you hurt others and yourself. 

You may have been a great big blob kind of a thing on the inside - sucking the life out of everything with you wants and fears. Afraid of not getting what you wanted. Sort of like a big, selfish, self-centered monster rolling around with thousands of arms reaching out to grab at anything it could get a hold of. Chanting the whole time, I want, I want, I want! I would be running away from someone like that!  But you don't have to be a blob any longer. God can remove those needy character defects and thus allow you to walk closer to him. You do not have to be afraid or want for anything! You can begin walking a new walk! It is such a good feeling to finally stop struggling! Even before you finish the other steps, you will find a release from the tension - a new peace!

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website,
just click the link to the right!

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6
Available through our website,
 just click the link to the right!

Sunday Stories - Kay's Story - Part 3

I went to Celebrate Recovery a few Fridays and attended church a couple of times on Sundays and really enjoyed it. It was when I was most relaxed and to prove it, my stomach would growl. There was a Labor Day picnic that year for CR and although I hate going to things like that by myself,  especially when I don’t know anyone, I made myself go. Before I got out of my car, I prayed that God direct me to a table with someone who I could talk to and be of help to me.  I ended up sitting next to the Director of CR, the worship leader for CR and two regular attenders. I didn’t really know them at the time, but they were all the ‘right’ people!  

When my mom came to visit and had to stay in a hotel I was completely embarrassed and ashamed. I was the high achiever that had everything, and now I had nothing. My girls visited briefly, but it was just awkward and weird. After she left, I basically spent a week in bed. Yes, a week, not a day. I knew something was wrong. With the advice of my ex, my mom flew back down, I packed what little I could fit in my mustang along with my golden retriever and we drove to Ohio. I did not even see the girls before I left. I just knew I had to get out of there. 

The day after we arrived at my childhood home, my dad had me over to Behavioral Connections for an evaluation. Everyone thought I would need in house treatment, but they put me in an intensive outpatient program. I did that 3 days a week, attended 3 AA meetings a week and church on Sat night.  Other than that I laid on the couch and watched tv. I was in a deep depression - what kind of mom was I? who leaves her kids? Who picks alcohol over their children?  I was also very anxious about everything! It made me nervous to even text my girls let alone call.  Just before Christmas I got a letter from my ex’s attorney explaining that he had taken full custody of my girls. I was devastated!! They were my world! He said I had abandoned them.  So when my 3 months were up of Intensive Outpatient, I decided to go back to Florida. I have always hated the cold weather, it was January, and my friend was out of jail, and I wanted to see my kids!

A day or two after getting back to Florida, to the same house I ran from, I went to the Wednesday Service at Grace Central. That night, I went to the altar and rededicated my life to Christ. Jepson prayed with me. I can’t tell you a single word he said, I just know it was right on! I joined the Step Group on Tuesdays and took my friend to AA meetings twice a week. I found my sponsor here on a Friday night and started working the steps with her as well. That’s all I did for about a year!!  

Throughout the year, I was in the group, but with a scowl on my face.  I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to do my homework, but knew i HAD to or I’d be right back to drinking and die!  When someone in my group shared that her dog died and she felt better when she went to the Bible, I thought ‘good for you!’ but that wouldn’t work for me. Another lady started texting everyone she met uplifting messages, I thought, good for her!  I enjoyed getting the text, but there is no way I would do that. One lady said that the Bible was the only self help book any one needed - I was doubtful!  I did however, hear someone say that she had a normal childhood and had no one to blame for her drinking but herself - me too I thought. I managed to hear a least one little something that I could ‘use’. 

Still, I prayed for God to remove me from the whole situation. I prayed for a do-over. I prayed to win Publisher’s Clearinghouse. Some nights I prayed to just wake up dead!  I did not want to kill myself, I simply wanted to be dead. I felt empty, lonely, afraid, angry, horrible, etc. None of those prayers were answered over night like I wanted, but something (or someone) kept me coming back to Celebrate Recovery. Friday nights, Tuesday Step Study and church along with AA meetings. My dimmer switch was ever so slowly brightening! Mark 2: 17 says ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor - sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners’. Celebrate Recovery is where I needed to be - I wanted what they had.

Feed Me Friday - Workin 9 - 5 and a Jelly Roll Pan!

A good friend of mine started a part time job this week, working 9-5, and it reminded me of this video! For my old Xerox buddies, if you watch closely, there is a Xerox ROOM in this!! AAHHHH the good ole days! This is a great way to wind down your week - funny stuff!!

Now, for the FOOD segment! I have made a couple of dinners lately all on a jelly roll pan (baking sheet with edges). I was sooooooo hungry though that I did NOT take pictures - BUT - they were soooooo good, that I wanted to share anyway!  Besides, what you put on the pan is entirely up to you!!

You start with one of these 

Pre-heat your oven to 425 - and while it is heating - add what you want to eat for dinner!! For instance, one night I put chicken breasts, onion slices, asparagus, small new potatoes and cherry tomatoes. Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with seasoning (my favorite right now is Robust Steak Seasoning from Winn Dixie, basically salt, pepper, garlic salt, paprika).

Bake for 15 - 20 minutes. I read that chicken stays juicier baked at a high temperature for less time, and it's true! I took the asparagus off a few minutes before the rest of the 'stuff' was done. Since it looked a bit pale, I but the oven on broil at the end just to brown it up, but that is NOT necessary!

Last night, I put chicken breasts, onion slices and rutabaga cut up like home fries on it. You need to turn the rutabaga after 15 minutes and continue to bake for another 15 minutes. I probably should have taken the chicken off at that point, but didn't, and it was all delicious!! I put the onion slices either on top of or under the chicken to add more flavor. Once again, I used the steak seasoning on all of it after drizzling with olive oil. 

PS, when I drizzle the olive oil, I use quite a bit, but it's just personal preference. You want to make sure the baking sheet has plenty, or clean up could be a nightmare. You could also line the baking sheet with foil, then cleanup would be a snap! (I'm going to try and remember to do that next time). 

SO, anything that you like to roast, would be fantastic! Broccoli, baby carrots, turnips, beets, pork chops, squash, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, etc......

You are only limited by your imagination and the size of the baking sheet!!

Work it Wednesday - Step 6, part 2 - Old Habits, New Habits

First a quick review:

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 4 - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 Step 5 - Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Which brings us to Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Old habits die hard. As an addict, chances are you were one or more of the following: selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, inconsiderate and afraid. We were very needy. We need to learn new habits. in order to get along better with people. We can then live free of resentments, fears, guilt and remorse. We can begin to raise our low self-esteem. It is often very difficult to let go of the traits that are familiar to us. Behavior that we have been using for a long time to get what we wanted - drugs and/or alcohol. We went to great lengths to feed our addiction! It is time to stop struggling and ask God for help on the things that don't work for you any more. Things that keep you in your past, not moving toward your future. 

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6 booklet.
Available through our website, just click the link to the right.

In our new life, we begin to follow God's will and become honest, unselfish, generous, humble, courageous, considerate and kind. Your willingness to change will come from seeing how you have hurt others and yourself by your actions and behaviors. Step 6 is like taking a shower after doing yard work in the summer. It feels good to be clean after all that sweat and dirt sticking to you. You find a new peace and a release from tension as you put your defects in God's hands. It is such a good feeling! Asking God to remove your character defects is like having God use a knife to cut the sickness out!

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6 booklet.
Available through our website, just click the link to the right.

One key point here is to NOT aim for perfection! None of us are perfect. Perfectionism is a lie, a delusion. It's unreal. There is no such thing. We strive for improvement. Make progress. Just focus on doing it and let God fill in the blanks. You will start to see your self-esteem rise as your self-respect is restored. You will stop running and take actions that are honorable, respectful and honest. You will find that you have VALUE!

They say this step separates the men from the boys - or the girls from the women. Anyone who is willing and honest enough to keep using this step has come a long way in trying to grow in the image of God. That person can no longer be called a girl, but is a woman.

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6 booklet.
Available through our website, just click the link to the right.

Sunday Stories - Kay's Story - Part 2

My ex husband was an avid golfer, so I was often left with the girls on my own, a golf widow. He also started living by the saying ‘its better to ask forgiveness than permission’. He often was out golfing with his buddies, and not come home or even call, and miss events. I did not realized I was being verbally abused, which I call non verbal abuse, because he could go weeks without speaking to me, until I took a class in order to volunteer at the ACT shelter. I stayed busy raising two girls during the day, and started drinking to ‘relax’ in the evening. That glass of wine in the evening quickly became 2 then the whole bottle, then two bottles! I had to get drunk to sleep, but still was up and running the next day. 10 years into the marriage we divorced. You have to be careful what you wish for, because I told him I’d rather live in a cardboard box that have all of this ‘stuff’ and be miserable! I had failed at marriage and the depression was setting in.

I downsized the house and although I wouldn't drink during the week until the evening, I was starting earlier on the weekends, especially when the girls were with their dad. It killed the pain. I was put on probation with the pharmaceutical company after being drunk at a dinner meeting with a bunch of doctors. It was never a problem at company events, because everyone was smashed! My house flooded a couple of years later and that started the dive into deep depression. While my entire house was ripped up, my router taped to a ceiling fan, I was still expected to work. I ended up on short term disability for depression, and in the end of that never went back. I spent the following year, spending my 401K, sleeping a lot during the day, getting the kids from school and drinking myself to sleep. My car was repossessed and my mom gave me hers. I had a mistake on my taxes to the tune of 8000 dollars, had my debit card number stolen…... I also would have sex with about anyone I met on the internet trying to fill the empty place in my soul with love. I lost the house to foreclosure and stepped down again to a rental townhouse. I was doing a good job of going down. I gave up saying that things couldn't get any worse, because every time I did, I was shown that it could!

I was working for Xerox by now and always stressed about money. I was still good at being a single parent during the day, but switched to vodka at night when wine wasn't cutting it.  I did miss a few deadlines for my kids and even called the police once because my oldest didn't come home on the bus. She was at dance tryouts and I’d forgotten. I got back ended on McGregor and totaled the car my mom had given me. I was miserable inside! I prayed for a job that was fulfilling, made enough money to live on and had benefits. Along came Lifelink. I was hired as a hospital liaison for Lee Charlotte and DeSoto county. My co-worker Patti really helped me start to smell the roses again. She actually saw the blue sky and flowers blooming. Things were going great, or so I was told. I thought this was finally the job I would have till I retired. But the day after my birthday, which was the last day of my temporary contract, I got a call on a Saturday morning telling me that they were not going to hire me and they did not have to give me a reason. It just wasn't a good fit.

It was a good thing that my girls were with their dad that weekend, because I got drunk for the whole two days. I was crushed!!! I pulled myself out of my pity party long enough to sell a few things to pay the majority of my bills, but money was running out. I still managed to buy vodka though to block the fact that I wasn't finding a job and wasn't sure what I was going to do for money day to day. I sent the girls to live with their dad until I got my act together. (that was 2 years ago and they are still there!) I spent a lot of time at the beach watching the sunset, listening to the band and watching people fish on the pier. I started staying later and later, or I should say earlier and earlier. I figured after so many years of being a single mom, I deserved a break. 

I met a guy down there and after running into him a couple of nights in a row, took him to breakfast around 3am one day. He moved in, we drank a lot and  the police were called a lot for disturbing the peace. I was very angry, yelled a lot and threw A LOT of things.  After a night of heavy drinking and fighting, , I said ef you and put a knife in his thigh. A call to 911 brought not just an ambulance, but two fire trucks and a half a dozen sheriff cars and a couple unmarked ones.  I really don’t know why I did, but I then went and picked him up from the hospital.  We continued to drink, fight and throw things. I often asked myself ‘who is this person’ I had become.  We also ended up behind the wheel and am very lucky that we didn't kill anyone else, let along each other. It didn't take long till one day, we were drunk and arguing, and he took off with my car, wrecked it, it got impounded and he went to jail. I got kicked out of my townhouse and had no where to go but to his moms house. The majority of my belonging are in storage. Not all of it fit, so I ended up just leaving some behind. From jail he told me about Celebrate Recovery. 

Feed Me Friday - Walk a Mile in My Shoes & Avocado Eggs

Walk a Mile in My Shoes!

To got with this quote, here is a song by Bill Metts, Hope by Song, titled 'A Mile in My Shoes'. 

Click here to listen!

I've seen this egg on the internet, but never made it. Sooooo, I figured it was about time. I used 2 Avocados, slice them around the long way and twist open. To remove the seed, strike it with your knife and twist it out. Crack an egg into each half. I used these crock bowls (oven safe) so they wouldn't roll around. The part of the recipe that I did not read was to scoop out some of the avocado before putting the egg in. A large egg overflowed a bit, but then that part of the white simply cooked in the bowl, no biggie! A ramiken would work too. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and cayenne. I put the crocks and some turkey bacon on a baking sheet and baked at 425 for 15 minutes.

I did NOT take an 'after' pic because some of my bacon was overcooked (OK burnt). BUT, the pieces that were doubled up were just fine, so that's what I will do the next time! And, the dog didn't seemed to mind the over-done ones! Here is what an avocado egg looked like:

I want one right now!!!

I'm always looking for great recipes! Submit your favorite, either through a comment below, or the contact form on the right!

Work it Wednesday - Step 6 - part 1

First a quick review:
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 4 - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 Step 5 - Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Which brings us to Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6 booklet
Available through our website - link to the right

Self will: Driven by our basic instincts. (Security, Social and Sexual) We become dishonest, selfish, self-seeking, frightened and inconsiderate.

God's will: The concept of God having a plan and this plan being fulfilled.

After taking an inventory of my handicaps, I better understood where I had been selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, inconsiderate and afraid. The purpose of Step 6 is the process of helping us rid ourselves of our character defects. Once you take a good look at yourself, you are better able to understand others.  Then, we can live free of resentments, fears, guilt and remorse.

Your character defects may not all go away at once. I thought I only had big, giant, glaring defects of character. Well, I found out that there were also teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, defects as well. Less glaring ones. The key to success with Step 6, is the willingness to have God remove these defects - all of them! 

From Meditations for Street Chicks Step 6 booklet
Available through our website - link to the right

Next week, Step 6 - part 2! Old Habits, New Habits. 

Sunday Stories - Kay's Story - Part 1

HI! My name is Kay and I’m a grateful Christian in recovery from alcohol and I struggle with depression, anxiety, food and nicotine - that's how I introduce myself at Celebrate Recovery.

I was born in March of 1965 in Columbus, OH. When I was 4, my parents moved to a suburb of Toledo and they still live there today! That’s 45 years in the same house, married for 50!  My dad sold insurance and my mom stayed home with us. I have 2 younger sisters. So, that makes me a first born and an Aries. Which means I don’t like to fail and like to get my way! I saw a poster recently that said ‘I always got back up! Nothing beats me! I didn’t get sober until I couldn’t get back up!’ 

Growing up, I was told I could be anything I wanted to be. So at about 6, I got a football helmet because I was going to grow up and play football for Ohio State! I often sported it with my ballet outfit! I also got an easy bake oven and the play kitchen. I still bake to this day, but never played football. I took gymnastics and piano lessons, was on the swim team and dive team. In high school, I was on student council, was a cheerleader, in a national award winning choir. I got mostly A’s with a few B’s, and was in the National Honor Society. I was a lifeguard, taught swimming lessons and coached the diving team while still on it. I also became the Assistant Manager of the pool and taught life saving. This is where my drinking started. Occasionally we would call the city to let them know we were staying late, and have a pool party. Yes, drunken swimming and diving included - smart huh? When it rained and we got the day off, we would head to someones house - usually the basement- and play drinking games. I excelled at binge drinking.  Although I went to concerts and parties where people were doing a lot more than drinking, I never really did. I smoked once however after my senior prom, but when leave blew across the road on the drive home, I freaked out because I thought we were running over chipmunks! 

When I graduated high school, I attended Miami University - which is in OHIO - not south east Florida!  There was always a frat party to go to on the weekends where I could perfect my binge drinking - one time I passed out in the middle of a field while walking home and luckily a sorority sister found me at got me home. My Junior year I joined the Air Force ROTC program, where I rose to the ranks of Lt. Col. (2nd in command). I was on the drill team and could teach anyone how to march. Being loud and bossing people around was a good thing! 

After graduation, my dad gave some of his best advice - to get a job related to health care. I got a job in the IT department at St. Ann's Hospital in Columbus. One dreary February day, I interviewed for a job in Orlando, and 3 weeks later, I lived in Florida. I then moved to Ft. Lauderdale which was a great place to spend your 20’s!

When I was 29 I met my ex husband and moved to SW Florida. We lived the yuppie lifestyle. Big house, with a pool, country club membership, rental condo, cottage on the beach and cabin in the mountains. After my first daughter was born, I didn’t want to travel any more and got a job as a drug pusher - pharmaceutical rep! 23 months later, my second daughter was born. Soon after we added the requisite dog to the picture, kids in private school and I had a BMW convertible just for fun on the weekends. Then my downward spiral started!