Sunday Stories - Kay's Story - Part 2

My ex husband was an avid golfer, so I was often left with the girls on my own, a golf widow. He also started living by the saying ‘its better to ask forgiveness than permission’. He often was out golfing with his buddies, and not come home or even call, and miss events. I did not realized I was being verbally abused, which I call non verbal abuse, because he could go weeks without speaking to me, until I took a class in order to volunteer at the ACT shelter. I stayed busy raising two girls during the day, and started drinking to ‘relax’ in the evening. That glass of wine in the evening quickly became 2 then the whole bottle, then two bottles! I had to get drunk to sleep, but still was up and running the next day. 10 years into the marriage we divorced. You have to be careful what you wish for, because I told him I’d rather live in a cardboard box that have all of this ‘stuff’ and be miserable! I had failed at marriage and the depression was setting in.

I downsized the house and although I wouldn't drink during the week until the evening, I was starting earlier on the weekends, especially when the girls were with their dad. It killed the pain. I was put on probation with the pharmaceutical company after being drunk at a dinner meeting with a bunch of doctors. It was never a problem at company events, because everyone was smashed! My house flooded a couple of years later and that started the dive into deep depression. While my entire house was ripped up, my router taped to a ceiling fan, I was still expected to work. I ended up on short term disability for depression, and in the end of that never went back. I spent the following year, spending my 401K, sleeping a lot during the day, getting the kids from school and drinking myself to sleep. My car was repossessed and my mom gave me hers. I had a mistake on my taxes to the tune of 8000 dollars, had my debit card number stolen…... I also would have sex with about anyone I met on the internet trying to fill the empty place in my soul with love. I lost the house to foreclosure and stepped down again to a rental townhouse. I was doing a good job of going down. I gave up saying that things couldn't get any worse, because every time I did, I was shown that it could!

I was working for Xerox by now and always stressed about money. I was still good at being a single parent during the day, but switched to vodka at night when wine wasn't cutting it.  I did miss a few deadlines for my kids and even called the police once because my oldest didn't come home on the bus. She was at dance tryouts and I’d forgotten. I got back ended on McGregor and totaled the car my mom had given me. I was miserable inside! I prayed for a job that was fulfilling, made enough money to live on and had benefits. Along came Lifelink. I was hired as a hospital liaison for Lee Charlotte and DeSoto county. My co-worker Patti really helped me start to smell the roses again. She actually saw the blue sky and flowers blooming. Things were going great, or so I was told. I thought this was finally the job I would have till I retired. But the day after my birthday, which was the last day of my temporary contract, I got a call on a Saturday morning telling me that they were not going to hire me and they did not have to give me a reason. It just wasn't a good fit.

It was a good thing that my girls were with their dad that weekend, because I got drunk for the whole two days. I was crushed!!! I pulled myself out of my pity party long enough to sell a few things to pay the majority of my bills, but money was running out. I still managed to buy vodka though to block the fact that I wasn't finding a job and wasn't sure what I was going to do for money day to day. I sent the girls to live with their dad until I got my act together. (that was 2 years ago and they are still there!) I spent a lot of time at the beach watching the sunset, listening to the band and watching people fish on the pier. I started staying later and later, or I should say earlier and earlier. I figured after so many years of being a single mom, I deserved a break. 

I met a guy down there and after running into him a couple of nights in a row, took him to breakfast around 3am one day. He moved in, we drank a lot and  the police were called a lot for disturbing the peace. I was very angry, yelled a lot and threw A LOT of things.  After a night of heavy drinking and fighting, , I said ef you and put a knife in his thigh. A call to 911 brought not just an ambulance, but two fire trucks and a half a dozen sheriff cars and a couple unmarked ones.  I really don’t know why I did, but I then went and picked him up from the hospital.  We continued to drink, fight and throw things. I often asked myself ‘who is this person’ I had become.  We also ended up behind the wheel and am very lucky that we didn't kill anyone else, let along each other. It didn't take long till one day, we were drunk and arguing, and he took off with my car, wrecked it, it got impounded and he went to jail. I got kicked out of my townhouse and had no where to go but to his moms house. The majority of my belonging are in storage. Not all of it fit, so I ended up just leaving some behind. From jail he told me about Celebrate Recovery.